Everything gets me so down lately. I'm so tired of being stuck in the house all the time. We never have any money to do anything. I'm so tired of having to rely on other people for things we need. I'm so sick of getting irritated at Brian for things I know is not his fault. I complain like this but then I don't want to get a job and leave Noah. So I'm basically being a hypocrite. It's just so hard. I want to be able to have the money to buy things for him and do things for him. I just miss when things were easy.